k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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