i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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