When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
