Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
