I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
