At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
