The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Boobs are out for the taking
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
