the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
