So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
