Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
