Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
