i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
