can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
