I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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