Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
