T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did I show you my penis last night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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