Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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