What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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