Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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