Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
