Fuck appropriateness.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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