pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
