clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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