happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
