I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
