my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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