if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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