oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
