i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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