you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
