You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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