He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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