woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
