I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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