went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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