no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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