I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
