I want to stick my p in your. b.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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