my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
