Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
