Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I deserve this hangover.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
