I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
