Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
