the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My vagina is officially offended.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
