I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's the barista slut.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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