My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
