he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
