the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
