Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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