You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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