and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she looked like the before picture.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
