She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
