His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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