omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
