So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
