I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
well, you know. whores of a feather.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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