All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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