let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
